Changes

So I am trying to do more of this. Again! Life is so full of change and challenges. How does one do this gracefully. We keep trying and some days I guess we succeed and some days we don't or don't do it very gracefully. I am going to be a grandmother any day now and while I am very excited I am also having some hard times with the emotional piece. My son passed away over a year ago suddenly and with scientific help his fiance/wife (she can't be a fiance for ever) did the invitro and now she is due to give birth to a new little person. That is so exciting and wonderful. It is also very brave of her to go forward with the plan her and my son had. She deals with all of that on her own now instead of having him at her side. I have relocated my life to be near her. We have purchased a house together to give love and support to each other as well as to the baby when he/she gets here. So much going on. So change. I have had so much of it since Gary passed to a lighter place. I have moved twice, moved my business and am now trying to move my office again. A new baby shortly. Oh my. I am also taking a class on how to write code for webpages. I bought a new sewing machine to make clothes for all. There does come a time when you need a break from change. A time-out. I am in one of those places today. I am sure this seems like whining and maybe it is. But it is what it is. We all need to let it out and wallow a bit. So today is my day. I have no idea if anyone will ever read this but I guess I don't really care either. It is just an outlet for my writing. Change. Isn't there a symbol and chemical equation for change and what it creates or leaves behind. Can't remember. Well off to class. Later if I don't forget my password again and have to spend 15 minutes trying to recover it.

A sunny day

Hello out there,
I thought I would write a quick update while Erin is laughing and squealing in her swing and then we will go for a walk and do some errands. We spend our days hanging out and she squeals while I work. Sometimes I get more work than others. But no matter. It is a joyous opportunity for me. How many grandmas do you know that write a blog while the granddaughter looks on with encouragement. Not many I would guess.

We are all doing well. Siobhan is in Puerto Rico this week with her dad while on spring break. Lucky gal. They did go to the bio luminescent bay which has critters that light up in the dark when the water moves. They went swimming in the lights. How cool. I went once when I was there and it was one of the most fascinating things i have ever done. Oh mother Earth how wondrous you are!!!



So Erin said Mamama this week. Tanesha is all smiles and giggles. She really did say it but we are not sure she understands it yet. But she is learning quickly that if she says "Mamama" that Tanesha will come a running. Dangerous tool this is for a little person. When does getting the adults to do what you want and manipulation separate. Not yet I am sure. But when Erin gets frustrated she does this very piercing scream. Then of course I will do anything she says to keep her from doing it again. And of course when I comply she stops immediately and smiles lovingly at me. Oh I am putty in her little hands.

We went to the beach over the break as well and Erin got to see the ocean. It was fun. She was so good on the drive. We took lots of breaks and it took a long time to get there. But it was nice. Rainy the first day and sunny the next. Oh what a beautiful day Sunday was.

So now it is back to the grindstone and we are having a fun week. Erin is scooching on the floor some and having fun.

Life is full and changing

Hello all,

I know I am not keeping up with this like I wish or maybe you wish. But I am attempting. Erin is growing and she keeps us busy. I am caring for her at my office space and she is learning to hang here with Grandma. But of course that means I don't have much time to type. She loves the keyboard and will obscond with mine if I am not careful. She is holding her head up will and starting to turn over some. She makes lots of different noises and experimenting with that. So fun to watch her as she explores and aquires new skills. She can usually grab at what she eyeballs. And she has learned to pull her binky out of her mouth and put it back in. Such fun!!!

We are going to be working on the "shop" and turn it into a cottage for me over the next couple of months. That will be fun. Maybe I will finally have a place to spread out again. Some of my "stuff" has not been out of a box since Sept 2005. Makes one wonder how much you really need that "stuff".

I went to the beach last weekend and it was really nice. Sunshine and moonshine. All in one weekend. This is the view from my window. I stayed at the Sylvia Beach Hotel. http://www.sylviabeachhotel.com/ Nice place with lots of overstuff chairs and books to read and cats that wonder around all over the place including your room if you leave the door open. I strolled on the beach and had an excellent dinner there and then of course they have breakfasts that have lots to choose from. The rooms are fun and you meet some great people. I am glad I was there.

So I will put in a few more pictures but not write much more because I hear Erin stirring and so I will need to sign off. I hope all is wonderful!

The New Year

So how is the new year treating ya'll?? We are doing fine. There was a bit of bad weather and several no school days which Siobhan was loving. Her and her dad built several snowpersons, a dog and some cats in the front yard. It was beautiful. But after a few days we were ready for warmth again. Not use to this cold weather. We had highs of 25 and lows of 17. One would think I was in Oklahoma or somthing. But no! My mom assured me that the high there was 17 and the low was 7! So I guess she was in Minnosota or something. But the sun is shining today and it will be almost 50. Time to pull out the shorts?? We maybe not yet.

Siobhan got an opportunity to go dogsledding with her dad. She was soooo excited as she loves dogs and it is a preoccupation to want one and the reasons why it would be better to have a dog. Last night I heard her tell her mom, "I would have to take the dog for a walk at 7:30 and then I would be ready for bed. It would make me more tired and easier to go to bed." How little minds work. How fun. She did really have a great time as you can see by the picture. This was Rico. Her favorite. She took pictures of all 50 dogs! Some of them more than once. Fun.

Erin is growing like a weed. I think her mom must be putting someething in the milk. She is already almost 24 in long and outgrowing her 3 months clothes and more comfortable in the 6 month ones. She is smiling, laughing, focusing on your face well, grasping objects and today she found her feet!! It will be short order for her to roll and stick those feet in her mouth. We also have fear that she is teething!! She chews everything and is blowing bubbles. She has this "Shark" thing going on too. She will open her mouth wide and then roll her head around like she is trying to get a hold of you with her mouth. It can be a little disconcerting to have this mouth coming for you. So I call it her "shark" behavior. Fun stuff. But man is she a cutie. Once you engage her it is hard to walk away. She has such blue eyes that you just keep looking into them. They are lighter blue in the middle near the iris and then a little darker on the outside. Engaging she is. And she has discovered the keyboard. It is her favorite thing to play with and she gets so serious. She even knows some shortcut keys. I think her daddy has been helping her.

Tanesha is continuing the back to work mode and it goes well for the most part. As Erin gets more antsy sitting she will have to send her to Grandma to hang with. She just wants more entertainment. And sitting in her little chair is not doing it. She wants to be up and moving around so she can see everything and learn more.

As for me, well I am moving forward. It is hard to do that without feeling like I have left Gary behind. But I am trying to be healthier and happier. I am going to a yoga studio and working with a personal trainer for a month to get some better habits. I have been lifting some weights and hiking and doing some other fitness training.

Well better get this out. Erin is in need of a diedy change. So I will try to post some more later on.
Bye

Holidays

Hello all of you out there. I hope your holiday was wonderful and full of love and good times. Especially love.

We had lots of fun and food. Tanesha's parents and sister, hubby and new baby Colton James were there and so we had family around us. Kathy and Dennis also visited with us. They are Gary's aunt and uncle. It was sooo great to have people around me who know Gary and could talk about him and things he did and keep us laughing. I miss Gary daily and sometimes hourly.

Gary's dad (who is also Gary and we have nicknamed him GD Gary's Dad!!) and Helen and Gary's brothers Don and Andrew, all came for Thanksgiving and we had fun. They enjoyed Erin lots and Don and Erin spent some cool time together. He really was fun to watch. It was almost like watching a younger version of Gary with Erin. Both the boys have qualities that are so Gary like it is bittersweet. But I am very thankful for them.

Erin is doing well and focusing on objects and faces with recognition of who and what. She loves her fists and sucks loudly on them at times. She weighed 11+ lbs at the last doctor appt and is healthy. She is so darn cute it is almost painful. How do babies do that to us. Man oh man. And this last week she started vocalizing more and will carry on a conversation with you or her little "Okie Bear" for 10 minutes or more. She has discovered her voice. Fun stuff.


Siobhan went to Chicago for part of the holiday with her dad. So much fun she had!! Sears tower, the zoo, the museum, the Tut exhibit!! Oh how fun. She has cousins and a grandma there and so hauled more goodies back in. So she is back to school today and very tired from all the travel and fun. It will take her a few days to catch up with her new schedule.

Tanesha is back at work. She is taking Erin with her for now. Her employer is thrilled to have her back and will accomodate while Erin is not so mobile. So that makes it somewhat easier for her to feed and care for Erin and get some work in the middle. It is an added plus for her to be able to spend that time with her. And all the folks at work are watching Erin grow and blossom as well. Good stuff.



I am getting settled into yet another work space. I was just comfy in my first one when they sold the building and I had to move. I am now in a space a little farther from Tanesha's work but still within walking distance. I have organizing and unpacking to do still but getting there. My cottage space is still in the development stages but hopefully I will get it done before spring. I will invite all my women friends for a slumber party. That will be fun.

So that is all for now. I hope your new year is a loving and peaceful one. I know that peace is what I would like. Erin is growing and life is settling. That is good. Gary always reminded me in words and deeds that "The journey is the reward". I try to remember that and make each day a reward. I believe that those on the other side of that door are trying to help us, they enjoy what we do and experience so I hope to make that experience a good one for those who try to help me on to be happy on this side. It is only a door away.

Those little smiles

So here we are just plugging along and watching as the little one changes day by day and grows and acquires new skills. Sometimes you can tell she is trying so hard to get a sound out of her throat but just can't quite figure it out.

How that must be? How we come into the world with all the parts but no clue as to how to make them work. As the hours, days and weeks go by we learn to keep our eyes focused, get our tongue to curl just right, get the facial muscles to do a whole lot of squinching up and down, get the grunting to fill the diaper, and of course to wiggle just about everything. So much to learn and to try to get it all sort of figured out by the first 6 months. Man we must be smart when we are born. To get all of that done and more is so amazing. Life is truly a miracle.

Just the body parts and the workings of our bodies. Do we not take that for granted way to much. I would think so. Especially when we are young. Or at least you younger folk.

If we think about all the work it is as a baby to get it all to work when we want it to. Should we not also do something like that all of our lives to keep it in good working order? Eat good food. Don't abuse our bodies with stress, drugs, too much hard work (I mean heavy lifting etc) and not enough sleep. Or fun!!! We don't play enough. Why as adults do we think we can't play? Like it is sacrilegeous or something. Maybe it is the work of some demon. Actually the demon is the one that makes you work. Remember when we had all that fun when we were little. Oh! it is true that you learn all you need to know in kindergarten. After that we forget those simple rules of humanity.

Watching Erin as she learns to smile and laugh. Watching her little face as she screws it up to make one more amazing face, I wonder..... Will she remember to have fun, eat well, treat herself with love and compassion and most of all just remember!... When she was a babe and life was simple. I certainly hope for that. I know I will try to help her with that. Live each day with love and hope. After all the present is all you have. Hugs and Love to all of you.

Big sister

So when is it that we realize that being a sibling is an important role? As a child do we understand how this bonding process works? No of course not. Siobhan is just starting to understand some. Watching both her reaction and Erin's actions are like watching a slow river as it envelops a smaller tributary flow into it. There is some turbulence and some confusion as to which way this relationship will turn. Then it slowly melts into a nice flow. That is what I see as these two girls develop their relationship with each other. Siobhan's expectations of how to communicate with a baby. Not like the adults or even other children her age. She wants more interaction, more confirmation that she is being recognized and that her little sister likes her. Vying for mom's attention. Oh the turmoil and the flow and the rocks in the middle of the stream.

Well this week the flow started to show some eveness. Erin smiled at Siobhan and said for all intents and purposes,"Hi!". I know it probably wasn't but maybe it was. I don't know for sure. But that is what it looked like from my side. Erin was gazing intently into her sister's eyes and opened her mouth and cooed a little and then just said, "ayeeee". Could have been a greeting of some language that I am not familiar with. But it was definately a greeting. No mistaking that. Siobhan was elated!!! It was a powerful moment. The smile on Siobhan's face was priceless. Her little sister had finally acknowledge her and spoke to her. On some level a bond was formed and the flow of a relationship began.
Yes there will be many other ebbs and flows and turbulence, but the river of love has enveloped them both and they are now part of each other. To be a witness to this was a great gift. To watch a child trying to understand the miracle of communication. Wow!!!